Saturday, December 31, 2016

Goodbye, 2016.

Now what?

2016 was a totally f*ck*ed-up year. Sorry. No other way to say it. So many deaths, personally and publicly. Not to mention the death of our democracy.

For much of the year I have been silent on the blog. It wasn't bringing me joy. It felt like work. And after 10 years, who was reading?

Then, in August, my former husband, the father of my kids, passed away unexpectedly. We've had illnesses and deaths in my extended family as well. The fall was tough. Didn't feel like writing, much less writing poetry. I tried to keep all the trains on the track: family, teaching, po biz. Didn't sleep much. I won't spend too much time breaking down my feelings. I don't need to. Not today.

And the election. OMFG! Can't believe we didn't elect the most qualified person, who *happens* to be a woman, to the highest office in the land. I'm still in shock. #ImStillWithHer Now this I will probably blog about around the election.

Today, I am here because we are ending 2016 and I landed nowhere near my goals. I wrote 12 poems in 2016. Most years I average closer to 50 poems.

I am here because I'm trying to keep myself from completely falling into a sinkhole of despair by making some changes. I'm remember all of the good things that happened in 2016. And there were a lot. I'm remembering what it meant to feel fully myself, when I was in touch and in tune with everything. I'm stepping back in the flow and I believe blogging might help me get there.

What changed my mind? Time off helps. But what I found during this period is that I stopped noticing the world. Blogging helps me think about what I should talk about next. Writing a poem a day will do the same thing. So my goal is to do both, start up with the blog with a few posts a week while writing a poem a day in January.

In 2017, I want to undo my narrative and create a new one. I'll have to evaluate at every turn. While I am grateful for anyone who who reads my blog, I write for myself. I mean, if you are reading, it really is a happy accident, because there are those who do it better and with more consistency. The Poet Mom blog itself needs an overhaul. I need an overhaul.

I am here because I am suiting up like the characters in every Marvel superhero movie. 2017 will be hard for creatives and for the most vulnerable in our population. I feel a layer of armor hardening over my skin. We will be called upon in ways I can't imagine yet. And I want to be ready for anything.

2017, I am ready. Bring. It.


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