Goodbye, 2016.

Now what?

2016 was a totally f*ck*ed-up year. Sorry. No other way to say it. So many deaths, personally and publicly. Not to mention the death of our democracy.

For much of the year I have been silent on the blog. It wasn't bringing me joy. It felt like work. And after 10 years, who was reading?

Then, in August, my former husband, the father of my kids, passed away unexpectedly. We've had illnesses and deaths in my extended family as well. The fall was tough. Didn't feel like writing, much less writing poetry. I tried to keep all the trains on the track: family, teaching, po biz. Didn't sleep much. I won't spend too much time breaking down my feelings. I don't need to. Not today.

And the election. OMFG! Can't believe we didn't elect the most qualified person, who *happens* to be a woman, to the highest office in the land. I'm still in shock. #ImStillWithHer Now this I will probably blog about around the election.

Today, I am here because we are ending 2016 and I landed nowhere near my goals. I wrote 12 poems in 2016. Most years I average closer to 50 poems.

I am here because I'm trying to keep myself from completely falling into a sinkhole of despair by making some changes. I'm remember all of the good things that happened in 2016. And there were a lot. I'm remembering what it meant to feel fully myself, when I was in touch and in tune with everything. I'm stepping back in the flow and I believe blogging might help me get there.

What changed my mind? Time off helps. But what I found during this period is that I stopped noticing the world. Blogging helps me think about what I should talk about next. Writing a poem a day will do the same thing. So my goal is to do both, start up with the blog with a few posts a week while writing a poem a day in January.

In 2017, I want to undo my narrative and create a new one. I'll have to evaluate at every turn. While I am grateful for anyone who who reads my blog, I write for myself. I mean, if you are reading, it really is a happy accident, because there are those who do it better and with more consistency. The Poet Mom blog itself needs an overhaul. I need an overhaul.

I am here because I am suiting up like the characters in every Marvel superhero movie. 2017 will be hard for creatives and for the most vulnerable in our population. I feel a layer of armor hardening over my skin. We will be called upon in ways I can't imagine yet. And I want to be ready for anything.

2017, I am ready. Bring. It.


Oh, hey, I didn't expect a post today. It is good to know this blog isn't abandoned (I just discovered it two days ago). Wish there was happier news to share though.

My grandmother died in August too.

I wish things had turned out better for all of us.
Susan Rich said…
So glad you are back here blogging and finding it helpful once again. Sometimes I find blogging a chore but other times it lets me focus on an idea or an experience that would otherwise get lost.

How I wished you lived closer so we could catch-up on our lives in person but until that time, so happy to see you back here.

Much love to you and here's to a stellar 2017....
Catherine said…
Sorry you had such a bad year. The death of your ex must have been quite a shock. I hope that 2017 is much better for you.
January said…
Thanks, Noel. Sorry for your loss. Happy New Year!
January said…
Agreed. I wish we lived closer, too. Wishing you nothing but love in 2017!
January said…
Hi Catherine. It was a shock to us all, but we are doing well all things considered. Hope all is well with you. Happy New Year!

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