Thursday, June 01, 2006

Poem for Poetry Thursday

I tend not to talk about my poems because I think the words should speak for themselves. But this one is a revision of an imitation poem exercise written last year; the Poetry Thursday prompt, reading poems aloud, helped me revise it.

If you have the opportunity, I recommend recording yourself reading so you get a feel for enjambment and inflection. For me, that's the hardest part of the revision process, getting the line breaks just right.

I have yet to read this one to my husband ... maybe tonight!



What Mommy Wants

I want a pair of Candies'.
Make them cheap and tacky.
High-heeled wooden stilettos
(stiletto, from the Italian word for dagger),
white-leather-upper with silver studs along the sides.
Open toed pumps, with just enough wiggle room
for my toes painted "No, I'm Not a Waitress" red.
I want a pair of Candies'.
Make my legs curvy and dangerous.
I want to strut down the street
in a pair of Daisy Dukes and a halter top
past O'Buster's fruit stand,
past Coffee Time donut shop with its real cream bismarcks
and apple cider crullers, past the construction site
and morning commuters at the train station.
I want the hard hats on break
to drop their coffees and shout
"nice gams!"
I want women to take one look at me and think
here comes trouble.
I want to be a tawdry wench,
the kind of woman mothers warn their sons about,
the kind that makes a priest give up religion.
I want my husband to strip me naked
bend me over
leaving on just my Candies'
as if he were cheating on his wife
and getting away with it.



Copyright 2006 January G. O'Neil

18 comments:

Cate said...

Okay, here's where my words seem trite because I am just not going to be able to convey what this poem did for me: for a few seconds, I was that woman, and I was sexy and alive and full of confidence.

This is an empowering piece of writing, just a joy to read out loud. I'm so grateful that Jennifer led me here!

I've gotta go shoe shopping now! :)

Anonymous said...

Whoa, poetmom! What a way to start the day: sexy, sassy, and so confident! I love the voice in this, and the specific details that create powerful images of a powerful woman.

I think you need to get yourself some Candies!

-bostonerin
bostonerin.livejournal.com

abhay k said...

hi,
Welcome to Poetry Thursday!
This poem is very evocative and I loved these lines--"I want to be a tawdry wench,
the kind of woman mothers warn their sons about,
the kind that makes a priest give up religion.
I want my husband to strip me naked
bend me over
leaving on just my Candies'
as if he were cheating on his wife
and getting away with it."
I truly enjoyed reading it..Thanks for sharing..

Left-handed Trees... said...

I'm sure he'd love to hear this one--just bursting with imagery and strength. Yes, a true celebration of womanhood here.

bb said...

this is certainly a dangerous poem!

January said...

This poem was fun to write, even more fun to read aloud. It made me feel powerful! Thanks for the great comments.

jim said...

The litany of all these "I wants" coupled with such concrete delights! Yes, this was meant to be read aloud.

Cam said...

Wow! What a great poem. What women could read that & not think they wanted a pair of Candies too?

Susannah said...

I loved this - i got to the end panting and then read back the title again and just nodded. the fire in your words - just delicious!
Sx

Dani said...

Right on! You didn't know it, but you wrote this one just for me :-). I wanted a pair of Candies so bad when I was 16, but my mom bought a pair for my 14-year-old sister instead. My feet weren't pretty enough and I was too clumsy, she said. Humph!

wendylou who? said...

Very honest about the bad girl that lurks in all of us "mommies" with poetry screaming in our ears.

Bravo for here comes trouble!

deirdre said...

Yeow! I love this. It's so full of attitude and desire.

Deb R said...

Oh my. I'm fanning myself here. THat poem is HOT. LoveLOVE it!

"No, I'm Not a Waitress Red" is one of my favorite O.P.I. colors...I love that you slipped that in there. I love the line about wanting to be a tawdry wench. And I LOVE the ending. Damn. I know I'm gushing, but this is just fabulous!

Writing Blind said...

I love this poem, it reminds me so much of "What Do Women Want?", which is one of my favorites.

January said...

Yep, that's the poem I imitated--it's one of my favorites, too.

Neasa said...

This poem made me smile HUGE!

I wrote an "I want" poem several years ago too, but the only part of it I still like is the first few lines. Now "I want" to go revise it for a keeper.

*That's the hottest shade of red nail polish ever!*

Jennifer said...

Oh wow! Racy and daring - I love it!

eric said...

hellloooo!!!!!.... waiting for your husband to post a comment. talk about not holding back. great courage jan to post such a poem!

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