Thursday, August 16, 2007

Poem for Poetry Thursday

Happy Thursday!

All week I have been trying to make this poem work, but my third stanza isn't gelling. I think I need to that "zone" and just let go. So I'm posting the first two stanzas knowing I need to finish it.
Also, don't read too much into the poem's subtext. Lastly, I can't tab in Blogger, so the poem actually has a different format.

Looking forward to reading your poems this week.

If I Was That Kind of Woman

I’d feed the hungry waltz
dancing through my body.
I’d answer the call of
pheromones and proximity
growing inside the hothouse
that is us.

All day I am a tuning fork
attracted to the slightest
hesitation in our voices,
your breathe in my ear,
your eyes tilting the room
to where the heart flutters
and temptation comes to roost.
If I was that kind of woman
I’d let you hold my choices
against me, up against the wall
harder, faster, against
the order of things.


gautami tripathy said...

I like that tuning fork metaphor.

Your poem works for me. I too have had similar wishes but you put those into words beautifully.

polka dot witch said...

i liked this, too: "tuning fork attracted to the slightest
hesitation in our voices" especially how it's tuned to the hesitation instead of the sound/notes. and "holding my choices against me" and how that metaphor carries out.

i've rejoined the blogosphere. don't know if i'll be able to post a poem for PT this week or not, but it's nice to be back.

i'm at if you get a chance to stop by!

Dana said...

Wherever you want a tab, insert this:

*nbsp; *nbsp; *nbsp; *nbsp; *nbsp;

But, replace each * with an ampersand. (I can't do that here, or the code will read as spaces.)

That's essentially a bunch of spaces, with each "*nbsp;" representing an html space. You can string as many of those together as you like to create the amount of indentation you want.

Tammy said...

This was reading my mind and I really liked it but I'm dying to read what you left out. Wonderful

January said...

Thanks Tammy. Much of the time I don't like to revise, but I'm interested in finishing what I started.

January said...

Dana, thanks for the coding tips. Helpful as always!

January said...

Welcome back Carolee! The blogosphere missed you. So did I.

January said...

Gautami, I think a lot of us wish we could be other people for a day.

Thanks for the kind words

Brian said...

Not reading subtext, not reading subtext.

This is a great poem, even unfinished. Perhaps it should be unfinished, if you were...

January said...

Oh Brian.


paisley said...

i am thinking that this stands alone beautifully... if you finish it we may be left breathless....

tumblewords said...

I like it as it is - will be fun to see how you finish it. I couldn't add more or change what you've done. Nice job!

Constance said...

I like the way it 'vibrates' with nervousness. Lots of ways to go with this one.

I've resorted to putting in dots.... and coloring them white to get the effects I want on my blog. :(

Dana said...

Do you like how I didn't talk about the poem at all?

My bad.

If I was that kind of woman
I’d let you hold my choices
against me, up against the wall
harder, faster, against
the order of things.

That is hot. I want more. Finish it, please. ;)

Dana said...

I dunno. Now I am liking the abrupt, strong ending ~ the way it ends hungry and breathless.

Becoming Amethyst said...

Bittersweet beauty, January. A poem to *sigh* to.

Love the tuning fork metaphor, and the ambiguity of "my choices" in the last part of the poem.

And if you were that kind of woman, then you'd be closer to Anne Sexton...

January said...

Oooh. Anne Sexton. Thanks. I have a pet project about Anne that I'm trying to get off the ground. More on that later.

wendy said...

who are we kidding here...we are all that type of women....i bring that woman home to my husband all the time.

you've found a good theme here!!

Jone said...

I am smiling. Your poem read so fluidly. Love the tuning fork and the walzing .


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