Sunday, November 25, 2007

NaBloPoMo 10

Feedback appreciated.


The Tea Grows Cold

While I tend to my son’s scraped knee.
The steam rises and rolls without me
as the teabag steeps darker and stronger
before my first sip.
Never again will he be so open.
I wash the grit from his glistening cut,
exchange his sobs for apple wedges
as we bite into the afternoon.
How this boy can overwhelm me with love for him
over and over and over again.

The world can go on now
a bit changed, like the cells of the skin
of which we both share. When the moment passes
I pull my spoon across the brown water like an oar
rowing myself back to shore.

12 comments:

Lori said...

Hi,
I have been browsing your blog and have got completely drawn in. I love it. Your poetry is so crisp and honest. It's a breath of fresh air. Wonderful work!

January said...

Thanks Lori! I appreciate the kind words.

Lisa said...

Hi January, I found your blog by clicking on the "occupation" link within my own profile to see where it would lead me. Only you and I appear with a listing of "Poet, Writer, Editor" as our occupation on Blogger. So I clicked on your profile link and discovered that you, like myself, am an Aquarius with a January birthday.

I like the energy in your poetry, some really interesting lines and use of language. I am the editor of a new online space devoted to Poetry and Beauty. I thought I'd let you know about it: http://www.singingwiththewhale.com. You can visit the site for submission guidelines. If it's ok with you, I'll forward to your email address the latest submissions newsletter I sent out today.

January is a great first name.

peace, Lisa

January said...

Hi Lisa. Please add me to your e-mail list and I'll forward it along.

Unfortunately, almost all of my poems have been previously published on the blog. That's the trade-off to putting my work online--I have a hard time finding places to submit.

Good luck with "Singing." Please let me know when you release the first issue.

Left-handed Trees... said...

Love...love...love...

polka dot witch said...

i am reading this over and over. i like it so much.

you asked for feedback but the only thing i can think of is to pare it down. there is so much power here, and i think it could only be enhanced by becoming more compact.

of course, i'll be no help in figuring out what can be trimmed out. that's too hard. :)

and of course, i say this hypocritically as my own work gets longer and longer. aaaaah.

BB said...

I love the closing lines of your poem, January, best of all ~ how the minutae of a spoon becomes the heroic oar, the smallest incident having the greatest significance. If you're looking for suggestions ~ maybe drop the 'like' in the penultimate sentence and let that spoon stand bold as the wonderful image it is ~ a powerful metaphor rather than a simile? But I love it how it already stands too :)

c.s. said...

lovely piece. simple, yet powerful enough to leave an impression. thanks!

January said...

Thanks for the kind words.

January said...

Claire and Carolee: I agree with both of your suggestions. With a little fine tuning, this poem will be exactly where I want it to be.

chiefbiscuit said...

Love the image of the spoon and the tea and
'glistening cut' is amazing.

J said...

A very nice way to capture a moment in time here.

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