NaBloPoMo 10
Feedback appreciated.
The Tea Grows Cold
While I tend to my son’s scraped knee.
The steam rises and rolls without me
as the teabag steeps darker and stronger
before my first sip.
Never again will he be so open.
I wash the grit from his glistening cut,
exchange his sobs for apple wedges
as we bite into the afternoon.
How this boy can overwhelm me with love for him
over and over and over again.
The world can go on now
a bit changed, like the cells of the skin
of which we both share. When the moment passes
I pull my spoon across the brown water like an oar
rowing myself back to shore.
The Tea Grows Cold
While I tend to my son’s scraped knee.
The steam rises and rolls without me
as the teabag steeps darker and stronger
before my first sip.
Never again will he be so open.
I wash the grit from his glistening cut,
exchange his sobs for apple wedges
as we bite into the afternoon.
How this boy can overwhelm me with love for him
over and over and over again.
The world can go on now
a bit changed, like the cells of the skin
of which we both share. When the moment passes
I pull my spoon across the brown water like an oar
rowing myself back to shore.
Comments
I have been browsing your blog and have got completely drawn in. I love it. Your poetry is so crisp and honest. It's a breath of fresh air. Wonderful work!
I like the energy in your poetry, some really interesting lines and use of language. I am the editor of a new online space devoted to Poetry and Beauty. I thought I'd let you know about it: http://www.singingwiththewhale.com. You can visit the site for submission guidelines. If it's ok with you, I'll forward to your email address the latest submissions newsletter I sent out today.
January is a great first name.
peace, Lisa
Unfortunately, almost all of my poems have been previously published on the blog. That's the trade-off to putting my work online--I have a hard time finding places to submit.
Good luck with "Singing." Please let me know when you release the first issue.
you asked for feedback but the only thing i can think of is to pare it down. there is so much power here, and i think it could only be enhanced by becoming more compact.
of course, i'll be no help in figuring out what can be trimmed out. that's too hard. :)
and of course, i say this hypocritically as my own work gets longer and longer. aaaaah.
'glistening cut' is amazing.