Things You Must Do to Make Me Happy (a found poem)

Things You Must Do to Make Me Happy (a found poem)

“Happiness is overrated—you can be happy without it.”

Wake up.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Read my mind.

Hurry up.

Proclaim your love.

Switch the laundry.

Remember what I tell you.

Remember what you tell me.

Let me win.

Think before you speak.

Fantasize about me.

Be real.

Be somebody else.

Be yourself, but better.

Be like me.

Be on time.

Call if you’re going to be late.

Calm down.

Floss.

Apologize.

Get it yourself.

Acknowledge I’m right.

Read a poem.

Chew in silence.

Shut up.

Listen.

Give me the remote.

Take off your shirt.

Leave me alone.

Like it because I do.

Make the bed.

Use turn signals.

Laugh at my jokes.

Do my bidding.

Earn more money.

Tell me I’m hot.

Knock first.

Repeat after me.

Empathize.

Recycle.

Speak your mind.

Lower your voice.

Grow up.

Take care of me.

Bring me flowers.

Turn off the lights.

Don’t call me that.

Teach my kids.

Heal.

Wear your seatbelt.

Learn the words to the song.

Pretend to like my family.

Wipe that look of your face.

Tell me everything.

Shower.

Use apostrophes correctly.

Remember the punch line.

Be my partner.

Plan ahead.

Call for takeout.

Expand your horizons.

Replace the toilet paper.

Toss the empties.

Plan for the worst.

Hope.

Get over it.

Stand for something.

Share your fears.

Cook.

Use a fork.

Kiss me.

Set the alarm.

Wax metaphysical.

Wax.

Screen my calls.

Get over yourself.

Climb a tree.

Read to me.

Respect me in the morning.

Stop whining.

Stop saying “like” and “um.”

Take the high road.

Open up.

Be the better person.

Express yourself.

Stop mumbling.

Offer to help.

Pay the bills.

Rub my feet.

Make up for everything.

Give a damn.

Hold my hand.

Hold the door.

Put your arm around me.

Last longer.

Complete me.

Log off.

Accept the double standard.

Don’t use that tone.

Pick up some milk.

Drop it.

Watch me.

Aim.

Look at me when I’m talking.

Initiate.

Get a haircut.

Bring me breakfast.

Tell me what to do.

Stop bossing me around.

Make an effort.

Impress me.

Be more specific.

Get a life.

Give me a break.

Have another drink.

Flush.

Replace the batteries.

Reciprocate.

Wonder.

Stay.

Hit the snooze button.

Act like you mean it.

Mean it.