Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Confession Tuesday

Today is my eighth wedding anniversary.

I have written this confession in my head for the past month, ever since my best friend’s eighth wedding anniversary in August. Thought I would have written some long, drawn out post about my pain, disappointment, and overwhelming anger by now. I mean it literally when I say I have written out this blog post every day in my head.


But today is here, and as I write, I’m more numb than anything else. Without going into too many details, we’re meeting with lawyers this week to make final arrangements before filing. Just looking at the paperwork—looking at eight years of marriage written out in who-gets-what language—is sickening. It is what it is, I guess. He’s moving on and so am I.


Here’s what I would ask from you, dear reader. Stop in and say hello. Even if you’ve never posted, just say, “Hi. Thinking of you today.” The Poet Mom blog has always been a source of great joy for me. And while I don’t want this blog into anything but a creative space to talk about poetry with the occasional mom story, today is an occasion for me to pause and remember that I’m moving the kids and me toward happiness. Today I am saying, “I matter”


Thanks!

****


I’m honoring the people, things, and life I have by doing what matters most: hugging the kids, going to the job I love and, later, going to my writers’ workshop.

****


Sunday night, I was in a panic because I couldn’t find Ella’s backpack for school. She and Alex had already gone to bed, so I continued to look but gave up in a huff. The next morning, I asked Ella about it and, of course, she knew exactly where it was: in our mudroom, where it always is, hidden in a little storage cabinet I’ve never used. Alex immediately chimed in, “I think she wanted to hide it from the bad guys!” Hmmm …

****


On the poetry front, I’ve developed an idea for a long poem … with multiple sections! For some reason, I’ve never written a poem longer than two pages. But I’m really excited to have a focus, which is something I 've lacked for the past few months. It will be based on a series of islands off the coast of Beverly named The Misery Islands (Misery and Little Misery to be more specific). Those titles scream, “write me!”


I'm working on a series of articles for RWP, along with a few other poetry projects I'm taking off the back burner.

****


Don’t forget to visit the other sinners hanging out in The Confessional.

25 comments:

Colleen said...

Good Morning Jan,
It's about time I posted and left you a love letter. I love the way your poetry tells stories deep and wide, love the way you tighten up a community (virtual or front stoop-based), love the way you walk with your arms wide open. I'll see you tonight, for a real life embrace. 'til then - here's my virtual hug!

Colleen

LJCohen said...

Thinking of you, Jan. My sister in law just went through what you are going through. {{hugs}}

Kristin said...

I'm thinking of you--I can't imagine the pain. I'm hoping that soaring joy awaits on a different shore for you.

Erin Dionne said...

Hello, my writer-sister

Your work makes me feel like I have new eyes, and your friendship is a shining star in my life.

love you,

Erin

caroleesherwood said...

you matter. you're loving and talented and kind. you're clearing a path to somewhere wonderful!!

Kells said...

Hi January!

As you know (I hope), I love your posts with their honesty and thoughtfulness.

But wanted to take a moment to say how much I appreciate you and your blog.

And wishing you all good things to come your way.

Thank you January, for your words.

Jennifer said...

Thinking of you today. You will continue to bring beauty into your life and the lives of your kids.

cornshake said...

hi jan--
thinking of you and wanted to let you know I appreciate and love your blog. treat yourself to an extra special drink at starbucks next time you go! ;)

Joseph O. said...

Ya know I love you more than my luggage.

Hugs & hugs & sloppy kisses. I will call ya later.

Enjoy the day. (& have a glass of wine, while you're at it.)

Love ya!

January said...

Thanks, everyone, for the kind words.

Love to all.

JayTee said...

Hi! I just wanted to say I appreciate this post and I feel for you. I'm going through some pretty trying stuff with my child right now and somehow reading this helped. You're not alone. :) Thanks for your honesty here.

Catherine said...

Thoughts and virtual hugs coming your way

Jacqueline Jones said...

Jan, you are inspiration to me in more ways than you now know. Thank you for sharing the steps of your journey, for your honesty, your joy, and always for your song.

Looking forward to reading with you at the MA Poetry Festival!

Love,
Jaci

Anonymous said...

Jan... i feel lucky that today was the day i checked in on the poetmom. your confessions make you strong. and all that you do for yourself and others, makes you interesting. and those things combined, makes you inspiring. And all of that together makes us all very lucky to have you as a person in our lives.

-eds

Maya Ganesan said...

Of course you matter!! Hoping you have a bright + successful future.

Anonymous said...

I check your blog often. I admire your strength and honesty. Wishing you and your adorable kids the best!

Ana

Jill said...

A day late, but not a bunch of hugs short! I hope today, the day after, is going well for you, too.

Did Carolee tell you we're coming to the festival? Just made reservations today!

Mom poets, unite!

susan said...

January,

I'm sorry I'm getting here late. Know that you are loved and whole as one.

You will get to the other side.

Kay said...

So sorry this is late ... Will DM you on Twitter as well. I am permanently in awe of your strength and energy ... but even awesome people need hugs - HUG!

Writer Bug said...

Lots of hugs going your way. (A little belatedly, but who can't use hugs all the time?)

Jessie Carty said...

definitely thinking of you :(

i love that you have an idea for a long poem. i've never been able to go over 2 pages myself. perhaps i will join you in the venture

P. Sinclair said...

Dang, I'm super late but still trying to show the love.

-Phoebe

Heidi G said...

J- You deserve only the best of the best in every area of your life and for A & E's lives! Never ever forget that-- not for one day ever~ Surround yourself with positive people, and experiences that allow you to get stronger each day (and you WILL I am sure of it). "What goes around comes around"... those of use who have lived it can tell you this is true. Hold your beautiful head high and again your heart will soar with a lightness and courage even greater than known before~ Get to that mountain top one step at a time dear one.

January said...

Thanks Heidi! Couldn't do this without you.

XOXO

January said...

Thanks everyone! The support means the world to me.

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