Poem for Poetry Thursday
A Villanelle? What was I thinking? I should title this post "When Bad Poetry Happens to Good People."
I really hate writing in a form, but there are a few things at play for me this week.
1. Back from vacation, I still have that rested, superhuman feeling that I can do anything (HA!)
2. Ella, my daughter, turns one tomorrow
3. This week’s Poetry Thursday prompt is to find inspiration in a song.
The song that’s been rolling through my head is Van Hunt’s "Being a Girll," and the refrain, "She just can’t help being a girl." (Scroll down Amazon.com's Van Hunt page and listen to an audio clip.) That, along with waking up one morning and thinking about my daughter's feet, led me to the Villianelle and today's poem.
Tangerines
Seems like yesterday you were in my dream
Formed inside my body as a pearl
Last night I nibbled your feet like tangerines
Those plump sections, with meaty toes in between
Pebbly skin, your thin rind a dizzying whirl
Seems like yesterday you were in my dream
Your hand holds tight to a crumbled saltine,
What you cherish most, I try to unfurl
Last night I nibbled your feet like tangerines
I think about your soft fruit, still pristine,
Before your hair tilts up in a sexy curl
Seems like yesterday you were in my dream
I’ll wake up from this and replay the scene,
The moment you say your life is yours, let it unfurl
Last night I nibbled your feet like tangerines
You’ll grow up, grow older, my little bean
To tell me you just can’t help being a girl
Seems like yesterday you were in my dream
Last night I nibbled your feet like tangerines
For those who don’t know the Villanelle form, it is 19 lines long, but only uses two rhymes, while also repeating two lines throughout the poem. The first five stanzas are triplets, and the last stanza is a quatrain so that the rhyme scheme is as follows: aba aba aba aba aba abaa.
Confused? Two classic examples are Dylan Thomas' "Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night" and Elizabeth Bishop’s "One Art."
So there it is, out there for the entire world to see. And now I can move on and read your fabulous work this hot-and-humid Thursday.
Comments
Jenclair: I'm on the fence about this as a keeper, but it's good to stretch yourself once in a while.
Jemima: Welcome back to the blogosphere! Yes, the tangerines and the song lyric have been in my head all week. I'd love to see one of your Villanelles sometime.
I had no idea what a villanelle was until my residency in grad school a few months ago--we workshopped Bishop's "One Art," and I was like "how does someone write in this form."
But you did--and quite wonderfully as well.
I don't have kids, but I have a ton of friends who do, and so many comment on their kids' little feet and toes, so I think you captured something that's universal to so many moms, but then you made it your own by showing us your very individual experience through the repetition of "Last night I nibbled your feet like tangerines." The word nibble is great because it's delicate and loving and tangerines are sweety and juicy--a perfect way to talk about the sweetness and juiciness of childhood.
"Your hand holds tight to a crumbled saltine," is just kick-ass awesome because you captured the moment as an image that--I believe--everyone (even those sans kids) can picture.
The "I try to unfurl" and then later in the poem "let it unfurl" is beautiful--showing a mom coming to terms with her little girl growing up and doing things for herself.
I'm no expert on form, but this seems tight and on target in terms of structure.
Really, really wonderful work, you super-mom, you! :)
As I reread the poem, using "unfurl" twice was an accident, but a happy accident, I think. That's what I get for writing a poem at midnight. There are just not that many words that rhyme with "girl."
Thanks for the kind words, FC. Can't wait to visit your blog later today.
A villanelle! So hard to do, but nicely done -- better when I knew it was for your little girl....
Happy Birthday Ella!
Julia
Happy Bday to you precious daughter.
imagine your daughter, reading this years from now. how this will touch her heart.
beautiful.
so glad you ventured into the world of a villanelle!
If you are form-adverse, consider trying a sonnet or sestina or a villanelle, just for the heck of it.
The last line is my favorite: 'Last night I nibbled your feet like tangerines'. Aww man, that's perfection.
Thank you for stopping by my blog. I think my girl is kinda cute, too!