NaPoWriMo 13

How the Body Forgives

Inside the body apologies
for the things it can’t explain.
Nothing is lost here, not even words.
The body remembers what is said for seven years,
spends eight taking things back.
In spring there’s a summer in my heart,
while the body sends its message of
repair and forgive, repair and forgive,
until each cell becomes an act of contrition.
It’s hard to know what hurts most,
the original words or the ones
that have followed every day since.

Comments

susan said…
The body remembers what is said for seven years,
spends eight taking things back.

Like these lines. Like to see this expanded. In your draft, the following line about spring/summer falls flat. Filler. Doesn't work for reasons I'm sure you already know. I think it's there under the effort to move forward but the problem is it is contrite and does not progress the work.

I'm becoming a regular reader of your work and without conceit, I hope, I think I recognize your better lines from the okay ones. In my head, anyways, I get a sense when you're on and when you're muddling through.
January said…
Thanks Susan. Can't say I'm going to save this one but there is a line or two I'm going to keep.

I appreciate the feedback and value your opinion.

Hope you are well.
Jan Doble said…
i like this very much...even if you feel it's in a sort of 'draft-form'. i have noticed that most of mine need a lot of improvement...but just getting something down is important too. keep on poem-ing!

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