Thursday, April 26, 2007

NaPoWriMo 25/Poem for Poetry Thursday

This post should be titled, "when good poems go bad." Oh, the villanelle--the tawdry wench to my NaPoWriMo. At some point, I broke form and couldn't make the rhymes work (see "unfurl" and "bird.") Maybe I'll come back to it since NaPoWriMo is coming to a close, thank goodness. But for now, I'll just let it be and go on to read your brilliant Poetry Thursday posts.

Prestidigitation

My son stops the wind with his hands
Turns leaves into water, makes closed blossoms unfurl
In child’s play we create what does not exist

With a stick he is a wizard where he stands
making the low sky dance, twist, and curl
My son stops the wind with his hands

He tells me one day he will be a man,
as he kicks the leaves the air starts to whirl
In child’s play we create what does not exist

I push him on a park swing, his feet graze the sand
His hide-and-seek smile forms inside like a pearl
My son stops the wind with his hands

X marks the spot of his buried treasure plans
His pirate of a mom once an ordinary girl
In child’s play we create what does not exist

One day you’ll work your magic, do what you can
Throw bread crusts in the air, become a bird
My son stops the wind with his hands
In child’s play we create what does not exist

11 comments:

Regina Clare Jane said...

Oh, to be a kid again...
This was wonderful- and playful!

Remiman said...

January,
Well done!
rel

Sasha said...

Hi January, I loved this. As a mom of a little boy it brought intense and beautiful images to mind. May our beloved sons always have this gift.

chiefbiscuit said...

This is so accomplished with some marvellous images. I love the sky images and the way you've described the energy of your son.

Mike Mc said...

So much is said in the first line and it informs the rest of the poem. Good job.

Catherine said...

I think unfurl and bird work just fine as slant rhyme. It's a lovely concept and only needs a little polishing. One suggestion "pirate mom" instead of "pirate of a mom". Of course the latter is probably more familiar idiom in your part of the world than here, but I think it flows better without the "of a"

January said...

Catherine, good suggestion. "Pirate mom" does make more sense. Thanks!

Crafty Green Poet said...

This is wonderful, the importance of play to the development of imagination and creativity.

pepektheassassin said...

Oh, January, this is sooo good! You've described little boys perfectly.

gautami tripathy said...

I loved the title.

I could see the images of that little boy. You did good.

Cheryl Finley: said...

Beautifully done. I love the cadence.. This poem it had me dreamin'.

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